Understanding Perinatal Loss and Managing Parental Grief

Thrive • October 4, 2021
By Thrive Reno’s Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorder (PMAD) Program Manager and Therapist, Lauren Kalogridis, LSW, CSW-Intern  

Pregnancy and infant loss can forever change the lives of the people it affects. Unfortunately, due to the hesitancy to discuss perinatal loss by many loved ones and society at large, many individuals who experience a perinatal loss find themselves grieving in isolation.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month , Thrive honors the memories of all babies who’ve been lost too soon and offers support to grieving families. We understand that all forms of perinatal loss are devastating regardless of what stage of the pregnancy it occurred. Additionally, all parents may grieve a perinatal loss in their own way, regardless of their gender, identity, or if they carried the child. 

Bereaved parents and their loved ones should keep in mind that grief ebbs and flows and healing is nonlinear. Their lives may never be the same, but over time, and with adequate support, parents will be able to connect to their loss without being consumed by grief.

Below you’ll find an overview of different forms of perinatal loss, common misconceptions, notes on subsequent pregnancies, paths to healing, and additional resources for bereaved parents. If you’re struggling with a perinatal loss, we can connect you with a Thrive perinatal grief specialist; just give us a call.

FORMS OF PREGNANCY AND INFANT LOSS

Pregnancy and infant loss occur during the perinatal period. The losses may result from:

  • Miscarriage: The loss of a pregnancy during the first 24 weeks of pregnancy.
  • Stillbirth: A baby born without any signs of life at or after 24 weeks of pregnancy. 
  • Ectopic pregnancy: When a fertilized egg implants outside of the uterus.
  • Infant death: May result from prematurity, birth defects, or Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUIDs) such as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).

Perinatal losses can also be more ambiguous and may include losses related to:

  • Infertility and unsuccessful attempts at in vitro fertilization (IVF) and other assisted reproductive technologies
  • Adoption or foster care complications

THREE COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PERINATAL LOSS

While more common than you might think, pregnancy and infant loss is often misunderstood. Shedding light on the ambiguity surrounding the topic allows individuals affected by perinatal loss to honor their experiences and memories of their lost babies. Explore some common misconceptions about perinatal loss below. 

Myth #1: Perinatal loss is rare. 

Unfortunately, perinatal loss is more common than one might be led to believe. In the United States, around ten to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage, 24,000 babies are stillborn, and 21,000 infants die within their first year. Additionally, BIPOC communities face a higher risk of perinatal loss due to systemic oppression and social determinants of health. While tragic, the prevalence of pregnancy and infant loss means that if you are a bereaved parent, you may find solace in more understanding individuals than you might expect.

Myth #2: Grief about a perinatal loss isn’t valid, especially if the pregnancy was in the early stages. 

Although not everyone who experiences a loss early in their pregnancy will experience grief, many parents do. There is a false distinction between the grief experienced over the loss of an early-term pregnancy and the grief experienced with a loss later in pregnancy or in infancy. However, all losses are tragic despite what stage of the perinatal period that they occurred. The way parents process the loss and intensity of their grief may vary depending on their personal attachment styles, connection to their pregnancy, and the nature of the loss. 

Myth #3: The topic of perinatal loss shouldn’t be addressed in conversation.

Oftentimes, people might hesitate to acknowledge their loved ones’ perinatal loss, fearing they will trigger the grieving parent. Though everyone appreciates a different level of support, many parents want their lost pregnancy or baby to be remembered. Avoiding the topic may increase the grieving parents’ sense of isolation and unintentionally advance the stigma surrounding perinatal loss.

SEVEN TIPS FOR MANAGING GRIEF FOLLOWING A PERINATAL LOSS 

While managing one’s grief following a perinatal loss is often supported by others, the guidance below is intended to provide bereaved individuals and families with some helpful insight into their grief. 

Tip #1: Don’t feel the pressure to “accept” your loss. 

There is an outdated idea that parents who’ve experienced a perinatal loss “get over it” and eventually accept the loss. The idea of letting go is not supportive to many parents who have a great deal of love for a lost pregnancy or baby even after they are gone. Instead of letting go, parents can focus on finding a sense of connection to their loss and loving their baby in their absence. Through this process, parents can work to slowly integrate their grief into their life and worldview. As a result, rather than allowing their grief to consume their lives, parents can walk with it, while also embracing their lives.

Tip #2: Recognize different forms of grieving.

Everyone grieves differently. For example, some individuals grieve intuitively by expressing their emotions outwardly. Others grieve instrumentally by taking action and addressing the many tasks of life that are complicated after a loss. Additionally, people’s grieving timelines vary greatly. By accepting the various ways to grieve as valid and remaining patient with each other, families can stay connected as they heal from their loss. 

Tip #3: Loved ones can carry you through your grief in different ways.

Parents need different kinds of support following the loss of an infant or pregnancy. For bereaved parents, it can be helpful to ask themselves, “What kind of specific support do I hope for from this person?” Some people might be “do-ers”; they might be helpful in running out for groceries, calling to make doctor’s appointments, or watching older children while the parents have time alone. Other people might offer helpful distractions, make you laugh, or listen and offer emotional support. Thinking more specifically about who you can go to for different kinds of support may provide your loved ones more direction and ensure you feel more supported and connected. 

Tip #4: Therapists can help you process your grief.

All parents deserve the opportunity to grieve without isolation. Therapy can be a helpful place to process emotions individually or as a family with your partner and other children. For some parents, their grief will become more integrated as time takes its natural course. Others may experience complicated grief after a loss; grief that remains raw and acute despite the passage of time. Parents may feel stuck in complicated grief, especially if other risk factors are present such as trauma histories, lack of adequate support, or societal stigma that does not recognize perinatal loss as valid. Therapists can support you to process and integrate complicated grief or unresolved trauma, which will support you in finding a reprieve from this kind of suffering. 

Tip #5: Seek out other forms of support and care.

For some, the loss of a pregnancy or infant can become a crisis of faith. If so, it can be helpful to reach out to people in your spiritual community who can be present with these hard questions while you grieve. Additionally, doulas can offer parents postpartum care, even following a pregnancy or infant loss. For parents who may be lactating after a loss, certified lactation consultants can offer support as you explore options about how to handle this physical transition. 

Tip #6: Make space to grieve the specific hopes and dreams.

When someone dies as an older adult, we often spend time with the memories we had with them while they were alive. Parents who’ve lost a pregnancy or baby may not have had a long life of memories with their baby, but they often have had many meaningful hopes and expectations for their life with this child. As a result of these hopes unraveling, they may find it difficult to envision their own futures after a loss. Grieving these dreams is an important part of healing from a perinatal loss and will support parents in reconnecting with their lives and moving forward. 

Tip #7: Find ways to intentionally connect to your grief.

By engaging in structured ways to connect to their loss in daily life, parents can have a healthy outlet for their grief. For example, grief support groups provide parents with time every week to honor the memory of their pregnancy or baby as well as connect with others who might be experiencing similar struggles. 

STRUGGLING DURING SUBSEQUENT PREGNANCIES

The term “rainbow baby” is often used to refer to babies born successfully following a previous perinatal loss. Rainbow babies are symbols of hope and renewal. With the new pregnancy, parents have the opportunity to honor their baby who was lost, while embracing their next season of parenthood.

Unfortunately, after experiencing a perinatal loss, parents face an increased risk for perinatal mental health struggles during subsequent pregnancies, including:

  • Perinatal anxiety: Parents who’ve experienced a pregnancy or infant loss may experience increased anxiety about the possibility of another loss occurring. Anxiety during subsequent pregnancies and postpartum periods is especially prevalent if the previous loss was unresolved.
  • Attachment struggles: After enduring a perinatal loss, some parents may find it difficult to bond with their rainbow baby. A parent may have their walls up to avoid becoming fully attached to their new baby for fear that they may be grief-stricken by another perinatal loss. 

If you’re noticing these signs in your own journey, or the journey of someone you love, therapeutic support might be helpful.

THRIVE’S SUPPORT FOR GRIEVING PARENTS

Thrive provides bereaved parents with a community of healing and support. Find out more about our perinatal grief therapeutic services below. 

Perinatal Loss and Grief Support Group — Thrive Reno

Thrive Reno offers a complimentary community support group for grieving parents . All individuals who are struggling with a perinatal loss are welcome, regardless of the nature of the loss and whether the loss was experienced recently or many years ago. 

Outpatient Perinatal Grief Therapy for Individuals and Couples — Thrive Reno and Thrive Waco

At both Thrive’s Reno and Waco locations, perinatal grief therapists provide counseling to individuals and couples. Parents struggling with a loss can do self-work during individual sessions and reconnect to each other during couples sessions. 

‘It Takes a Village’ Day Program — Thrive Reno

While Thrive Reno’s ‘It Takes a Village’ Day Program for perinatal mental health isn’t intended for parents experiencing a recent perinatal loss, it can help parents throughout any subsequent pregnancies. The program guides parents in bonding with their new baby while also healing any trauma that may be unresolved from a previous perinatal loss.

ADDITIONAL PERINATAL LOSS RESOURCES

Resources in Reno

General Resources

Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Resources for Perinatal Loss

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lauren Kalogridis, LMSW, CSW-intern — Perinatal Program Manager & Therapist

Lauren Kalogridis, LMSW, CSW-Intern, earned her Bachelor of Social Work from New York University, and her Master of Social Work from Smith College School for Social Work. Lauren’s clinical approach is grounded in relational psychodynamic therapy, and incorporates elements from somatic, trauma-informed and cognitive-behavioral modalities. Her clinical experience has ranged from working with teens to older adults on issues including depression, anxiety, psychosis, trauma-related symptoms, relationship challenges, and issues related to identity and oppression. Lauren is passionate about working with teens and young people, as well as LGBTQ+ identified folks. She is also actively practicing as a full-spectrum doula, which has informed and deepened her commitment to working with individuals during the perinatal period. Lauren recognizes all humans have an intrinsic need to feel safe, to connect, and to belong. She believes in collaboratively building a trusting therapeutic relationship, which serves as a foundation for gaining new insight and accessing healing. You can expect her to bring warmth, humor and intention to your work together, as she supports you in envisioning new possibilities for your life and relationships.

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January 16, 2025
Support groups serve as a critical resource for those seeking a sense of community while navigating life's challenges. The benefits of support groups extend beyond the mere sharing of experiences; these groups provide valuable emotional support, foster a sense of community, and enhance mental wellbeing. In this blog post, we will explore what support groups are, how to find the right one for you, the various benefits they offer, and specific options available here at Thrive Wellness. What is a Support Group and How Can It Help Me? A support group is an organized gathering of people who share similar experiences or challenges, providing a space to find mutual support and understanding. These groups are safe and confidential spaces where participants can express their feelings, share personal stories, and receive emotional support from others who understand their unique struggles. Support groups are also powerful tools for reducing the feelings of isolation that can come with a challenging or traumatizing experience or being diagnosed with a mental health disorder. When you come together in the clinical setting, you can share experiences and gain unique insights from others. This sense of belonging often leads to improved mental wellbeing, as participants feel less alone in their struggles. Through the shared wisdom of the group and a therapist, members can learn important skills like coping strategies, gain encouragement, and develop a stronger sense of community and support. The collective strength that can come from these shared experiences contributes to personal growth, allowing attendees to thrive in their everyday lives. How Do I Find a Support Group That is Right for Me? Finding the right support group for you is essential to getting the most out of your experience. You can begin by researching local groups that align with your specific support needs and interests. Consider the focus of a group and whether it fits with the challenges you face. Healthcare professionals, therapists, or counselors can provide tailored recommendations and guide you to potential options. It's also important to consider logistical factors such as location, meeting frequency, and whether the group meets in-person or virtually. At Thrive, our admissions process for groups involves a 30 minute meeting with a group leader prior to joining to ensure that you are a suitable fit. What Are the Benefits of Support Groups? Support groups provide a multitude of benefits to help improve your emotional, mental, and social wellness. 1. Safe space for expressing emotions Support groups offer a safe environment where you can express your feelings and share experiences with others facing similar challenges with the assurance of confidentiality. This sense of emotional support is crucial if you are working though complex emotions, hardships, or trauma. 2. Sense of belonging and community Support groups help you to build a stronger sense of community. Through joining, participants can experience reduced feelings of isolation, knowing they are not alone in their struggles. 3. Exchange of advice and strategies Groups are great avenues for sharing knowledge, allowing members to exchange practical advice and coping strategies specific to their shared situations. In addition, therapists guide growth and provide practical strategies to help deal with challenges as they lead support groups. 4. Enhanced coping mechanisms Regular participation in groups can significantly improve your coping skills, enhancing your ability to manage anxieties and challenges associated with your experience or condition. Therapists are trained in teaching their groups effective coping skills specific to their needs. 5. Motivation for personal goals Groups provide a network of support, encouragement and motivation where attendees can cheer each other on in achieving their shared goals. Other group members can hold you accountable in pursuing your personal goals and staying on track with your treatment plan. What Support Groups Does Thrive Wellness Offer? Thrive Wellness offers a variety of support groups tailored to people's unique needs, ensuring comprehensive emotional and mental health support. Each support group is facilitated by experienced professionals offering guidance over the course of a group session. Groups being offered now at Thrive include a Perinatal Mental Health Support Group , a Social Anxiety Skills Group , a Body Image Skills Group , and a Teen Body Image Skills Group . Our admission process for groups is as follows: An individual therapist will submit a referral, then our client experience team will reach out to you to schedule a 30 minute group intake meeting with the group leader to ensure that you are an appropriate fit for the group. From there, you are admitted and scheduled to the group. All groups cost $50 for cash pay, however copays are collected when insurance is billed. Finding Strength Through Connection Support groups offer powerful benefits, making them a vital resource for those seeking emotional and mental support. Whether you are exploring what a support group is, searching for the right one for your needs, or looking into our specific offerings here at Thrive Wellness, the impact of these groups is real. By connecting with those who share similar experiences as you, you can find comfort, strength, and a renewed sense of hope, empowering you to face life's challenges with a team of people on your side.
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Less commonly, individuals may experience SAD in the summer, possibly brought on by exposure to too much sunlight that can cause sleeplessness, agitation, and anxiety. Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder Depressed mood or sadness Decreased motivation or energy Hypersomnia (or excessive sleepiness and oversleeping) Eating beyond fullness Weight gain Loss of interest in hobbies or activities that usually evoke happiness Social isolation and withdrawal Increased feelings of agitation or irritability Difficulty concentrating Sense of hopelessness Suicidal thoughts Causes of Seasonal Affective Disorder Decrease or change in exposure to sunlight and vitamin D production, resulting in: Changes in circadian rhythm (disruption to your body's internal clock) Hormonal fluctuation, including imbalances of serotonin and melatonin Risk Factors for Seasonal Affective Disorder History of depression or anxiety Genetic factors Environmental considerations (such as living in a climate that experiences particularly long or harsh winters, resulting in decreased social interactions and activity) Ways to Boost Your Mood During Wintertime You can fight the winter blues and wrap yourself in warmth by incorporating some of the self-care strategies below into your wintertime routine. Eat intuitively. The way you nourish your body is directly connected to your mental health , but shorter days may disrupt breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack time routines. By listening to your fullness and hunger cues, while also eating an array of foods consistently and adequately, you can promote your well-being including your emotional health. Move mindfully. Allowing yourself the time and space to move intentionally can do wonders for your mind-body-spirit connection. Research shows that mindful movement can help lower stress and anxiety in addition to relieving depression and improving overall mood. Commit to a consistent sleep and wake routine. By going to bed and waking up at the same times every day, you can practice good sleep hygiene , which can help you regulate your emotions effectively and promote overall well-being. Spend time outdoors in the sun. Sunlight promotes the body's vitamin D production and vitamin D is believed to affect the regulation of the feel-good hormone serotonin. By doing your best to soak up the sunshine when it graces the sky, you can help foster feelings of happiness. Maintain connections with family and friends. Loved ones can infuse dismal winter days and long winter nights with laughter, companionship, and a sense of belonging. Participate in service projects and other community activities . Offering your time to individuals in need and enveloping yourself in your community can bring you a sense of purpose, meaning, and connection. Your presence can light up the lives of others, making you feel good in turn. For more habits that create a well-balanced lifestyle and improve your mental and physical health, download our free guide "How to Thrive." Clinical Treatment for the Winter Blues and SAD If your sadness, lethargy, or other depressive symptoms begin to impair your daily functioning or extend beyond the season, we encourage you to speak with a healthcare provider. Licensed professionals can guide you in developing coping skills, reducing your depressive symptoms, and increasing your resiliency and motivation. In some cases, you may be prescribed light therapy or antidepressants to ease symptoms. You deserve to feel wonderful any time of year, and through outpatient therapy , Thrive can help you embrace the winter season with joy. Reach out to us to learn more. This blog post was originally posted December 22, 2021
January 2, 2025
Ah, New Year’s resolutions. The moment January 1 rolls around, it feels like everyone is armed with a laundry list of goals: lose weight, save money, drink more water, learn to play a new instrument. While these aspirations might look great on paper, the truth is they often come with a side of unnecessary pressure—and let’s be real, most of us abandon them by February anyway. This year, let’s flip the script. Instead of piling on more goals, how about taking a breath and reflecting on everything you’ve already accomplished? Trust me, there’s a better way to approach the new year without the stress of rigid resolutions. Why Resolutions Often Fall Flat The tradition of setting resolutions can feel exciting, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of overdoing it. We create lists of lofty goals, expecting ourselves to magically transform overnight. But what happens when life gets messy, work gets busy, or we simply don’t have the energy to crush it every day? The result is usually guilt, frustration, and a sense of failure—not exactly the motivational vibe we were aiming for. The problem with traditional resolutions is that they often overlook the importance of realistic planning and self-reflection. Instead of motivating us, they can pile onto the stress we’re already carrying. Give Yourself Permission to Pause Let’s start 2025 differently. Instead of asking yourself what you need to do, take a moment to consider what you’ve already done. Acknowledge the challenges you’ve navigated and the wins—big or small—that brought you here. This shift isn’t about giving up on growth or change; it’s about embracing a more compassionate, flexible approach to your well-being. Reflect on Your Wins From 2024 Before you set any intentions for 2025, pause and reflect on the year that’s just passed. Here are some questions to guide your thoughts: • What were my biggest wins from 2024? Celebrate the moments that made you proud. Maybe it was a professional milestone or simply surviving a tough season. Wins don’t have to be monumental to be meaningful. • What relationships were most meaningful to me? Think about the people who supported you, made you laugh, or helped you grow. How can you nurture those connections in the year ahead? • What surprised me most about 2024? Life has a way of throwing curveballs. Reflecting on how you adapted can help you appreciate your resilience and prepare for the unexpected. • What should I say “no” to? What would I like to say “yes” to? Sometimes, the key to growth is learning what no longer serves you. Saying “no” to draining commitments makes space for the things that truly light you up. • What am I most proud of and grateful for? Gratitude is a powerful tool for shifting perspective. Take time to appreciate the moments, people, and experiences that enriched your life. Start 2025 With Intention The beauty of reflection is that it allows us to set intentions that feel authentic and achievable. Instead of chasing resolutions rooted in perfection, focus on growth, gratitude, and balance. This year, let’s give ourselves permission to start small and prioritize what truly matters. Take a Self-Care Step With Our “Breathe Easy” Guide If you’re looking for a gentle way to begin 2025, our free Breathe Easy guide is the perfect place to start. It’s packed with simple breathing exercises designed to help you reduce stress, refocus your mind, and find a sense of calm—no matter how chaotic life feels. Download it today and give yourself the gift of a fresh start, one deep breath at a time. Let’s make 2025 the year we breathe easier, live more intentionally, and celebrate the progress we’ve already made. You’ve got this!
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