Founder and CEO of Thrive Wellness, Kat Geiger, LCSW, CEDS, PMH-C Shares Her Personal Perinatal Loss Story and Healing Journey

Thrive • October 5, 2021

We found out we were pregnant with our second baby in April 2008. Our shared journey through grad school together had been such hard work as young parents. So, the day my husband graduated with his PhD and I graduated with my master’s degree, we felt as though we had finally arrived. It was the perfect day to learn that we were expecting a baby. What a gift! Everything in our life at that point felt like an adventure, so we packed up our loft apartment, our baby girl, and our two dogs and headed to Florida for a well-deserved month-long summer vacation with family and friends before starting a new life in California. We had no place to live nor jobs lined up just yet, but not even these uncertainties could bring us down.

Come fall, we had found a new and more spacious place to live in California, new jobs, and a growing baby bump. I was so excited to be expecting at the same time as my sister for the second time in a row. It was one of those peak moments in life when you almost want to hold your breath in case the simple act of breathing skews things in the wrong direction. We had no reason to think anything with this pregnancy could go wrong since our first pregnancy was as perfect as could be. Our baby girl was healthy and thriving, and our new life was falling into place. 

For reasons I still can’t explain, I woke up one day feeling as though something wasn’t right deep down in my gut. I cried and felt an urgent need to get to a doctor and visualize the baby via ultrasound. Once we were able to see a doctor and have our first ultrasound, I felt such a sense of relief. But then, the doctor looked a little too intently and a little too long at the image. She furrowed her brow and asked me to wait while she went to get another clinician, who also looked a little too intently and a little too long at the ultrasound. The doctor left the room again with her colleague and came back. She turned to me and said, “Something is wrong with the baby,” and that I would need to come back for more advanced imaging as soon as possible. Her words hung in the air as I lay there alone in a see-through hospital gown in a cold room with blinking, blinding fluorescent lights. My husband was nearby in the waiting room with our daughter, but it felt as though he was a million miles away. In fact, it felt like everyone was a million miles away for a very long time after that. Have you ever been surrounded by people yet somehow felt utterly and completely alone? I would soon come to know this feeling all too well.

What unfolded over the next several weeks was incredibly difficult. After what felt like forever, we had an advanced ultrasound. I had eaten well, slept soundly (on my left side as recommended), kept as calm as possible, and taken my prenatal vitamins religiously for the last several weeks in hopes of fixing whatever was wrong. There is seemingly a “right” and “wrong” way to do everything when you are expecting – particularly when your pregnancy is considered high-risk. I immediately expressed my fears and anxieties to our ultrasound tech. I let her know that while I realized that she could not share anything specific with me, I would be so grateful if she could just give me a signal if something was seriously wrong. We agreed that she would say, “I’m going to have the radiologist take a second look” if this were the case, which would not jeopardize her license.

While she meticulously scanned every part of my baby’s little body, we chatted about our toddlers, where we went to school, vacations we had enjoyed, and so on. Then, she suddenly stopped scanning, held my hand, looked at me, and said, “I’m going to have the radiologist take a second look.” I immediately broke down and she squeezed my hand again. The radiologist came in within ten minutes. She was extremely kind but extremely busy. She asked us to go to lunch while she finished up with some appointments, promising that we would get some answers shortly. She looked at me and said, “I know asking you to go to lunch and wait will be very hard for you, but I really want to be able to give you some answers today and this is the only way. “ 

It felt like eons passed over lunch. We returned and finally heard the devastating news from the radiologist. Our baby boy had a condition called idiopathic hydrops fetalis. His tiny heart was failing despite no structural abnormalities and his entire body was swollen. Throughout the next several weeks, we underwent test after test after test. Even the most advanced genetic tests came back as completely normal. No chromosomal abnormalities nor partial chromosomal deletions were detected – nothing that provided answers. 

Thankfully, we were able to work with the most wonderful perinatologist, Dr. Larry Newman, MD at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California. He had also cared for me during my first pregnancy. A familiar face and compassionate clinician were exactly what I needed. I asked him what the chances of survival for the baby were. He estimated between 10 – 20% and offered to terminate the pregnancy, to which I declined. I was determined to do everything in my power to be as healthy as humanly possible in hopes of saving my baby. I was desperate. I read every piece of literature about every possible cause of idiopathic hydrops fetalis. I saw the doctor every other day for ultrasounds and it seemed like we ruled out 10 different possible diagnoses each visit. He graciously investigated each possibility and offered every obscure genetic test I requested. With every negative test, I began obsessing about the food I was putting in my body a little more. It felt like the only thing I could control in my life. I began growing my own fruits and vegetables, purchasing eggs from pastured hens only, and eating organic free-range chicken and organic grass-fed, free-range beef exclusively. Saving my baby boy was all I could think about. If medical experts couldn’t come up with a cause for the condition, I was determined to do so myself. I felt like the food I was consuming had to be to blame. I could no longer enjoy meals and took pictures of everything I cooked. Because I spent all my time researching empirical data and journal articles on idiopathic hydrops fetalis, I felt like I was not paying enough attention to my toddler.

Finally, at the end of October during an appointment with Dr. Newman, he visualized the baby on the ultrasound once again. This time, he held my shoulder and told me “I’m sorry kiddo, he’s gone.” My baby boy’s heart had stopped beating. What was I doing when he left this world? Was I in the kitchen, gardening, or watching “ The Bachelor ?” His passing was silent, quiet, and unnoticed. There was certain unspoken guilt around this for me. 

Dr. Newman asked me to go home, get packed, and meet him at the hospital that evening for an induction. I expected to be granted some sort of grace in my labor as if the universe was going to make this one easy for me since our circumstances were so sad. Unfortunately, mother nature doesn’t pay mind to this sort of thing and labor and delivery is still labor and delivery. Delivery was incredibly difficult and painful, as my baby was born breach. Gratefully, in addition to Dr. Newman, there were other special people who helped me through the experience. A nurse named Malou stands out in my memory as being especially compassionate, kind, and attentive.

Even though I had educated myself on all the research and I knew that seeing him would be the best thing for me, I couldn’t do it. I asked for him to be wrapped in a blanket completely so I could hold him without looking. He was warm, wet, and still. We named him London Alexander. 

The next day we were able to go home from the hospital. I was escorted down the hall of the maternity floor in a wheelchair as I left empty-handed. Somehow as we exited, we ended up on an elevator with another family leaving the hospital with their new baby. I closed my eyes. I just couldn’t look. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. I felt alone again – still. 

I delivered baby London on a Thursday. I can’t remember much about the following weekend except that my milk came in on Sunday, leading to a sense of betrayal by my own body. Early Monday morning, Dr. Newman called. “This is your last opportunity to see London. They’re going to be performing his autopsy later today,” he said. I knew I had to see him. When I arrived back at the hospital, Dr. Newman met me in a conference room where they had placed London in a bassinet. He was swaddled in a blanket and wore a little hat. Dr. Newman brought a camera and I agreed to let him take a couple of pictures for us to keep. I said goodbye to my son that day and I haven’t seen him since.

I struggled for a long time following his loss. I obsessed over clean eating and spent hours a day pouring over London’s autopsy, lab work, and advanced genetic test results. I continued to seek answers in academic and medical journals. I felt that if I ate healthy enough and found answers, I could prevent this from ever happening again. I never got the answers that I was looking for and eventually, meticulous meal planning became less important. 

The grieving process was trying. Have you ever heard a song that doesn’t feel like it has an ending? The music just kind of fades out slowly. That’s what this grieving process was like for me – a song that lingers and finally fades out slowly. Over time, my mind healed, my body healed, and the obsession of digging to find out what went wrong gave way to ballet recitals and t-ball games for my daughter. 

Being a therapist sometimes means that others assume I can figure it all out for myself, but that’s a common misconception. I was very fortunate to have a strong support system through my family, friends, and therapist – all of who supported me in different ways and helped me heal in my own time and on my own terms. It was a blessing to have a built-in support system, but not all are as fortunate. And, even though I was surrounded by support, I often felt alone and misunderstood because I did not know anybody who had experienced anything similar. 

Reflecting on my own experience opened my eyes, mind, and heart to a need being unmet on a mass scale. When I established Thrive Wellness Reno, I knew I wanted to help families suffering from the tragedy of pregnancy or infant loss and simultaneously soften the stigma around seeking therapeutic support. I am so proud of our perinatal mental health program which not only offers outpatient therapy for individuals and couples, but also a community-oriented and complimentary Perinatal Loss and Grief Support Group that provides participants with an opportunity to connect with others who are recovering from similar circumstances. They say it takes a village to raise a child. I believe it also takes a village to grieve and heal from the loss of one.

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    By Brianna Villalpando, LMSW, LCSW March 19, 2025
    Teen eating disorders are serious. As a parent or caregiver, one of the most difficult situations you can face is noticing that your teen may be struggling with a basic human need like eating. Adolescence is already a rough period for many teens filled with fluctuating emotions, changing bodies, and social pressures. However, sometimes coping with these challenges can manifest in unhealthy ways, like developing complicated relationships with food, body image, control, or exercise. Many teens face body image issues as their bodies mature, excessive pressure to meet unrealistic expectations fueled by social media and peers, and emotional instability and anxiety during their adolescent years, all of which can combine to create the perfect storm for an eating disorder. These challenges can often make your teen more vulnerable to unhealthy coping mechanisms , such as restricting food intake, excessive exercise, or engaging in disordered eating behaviors . If you’ve started noticing signs that something may not be right, it’s essential to take action to help your teen get the support they need. Recognizing the Signs of an Eating Disorder Eating disorders can vary in appearance, but there are some common signs and symptoms to watch for. If you notice any of the following behaviors or changes in your teen, it may indicate a problem that requires further attention: Preoccupation with body image : Teens with eating disorders often show increased focus on their weight or appearance, frequently expressing dissatisfaction with their body. Excessive discussions about dieting : If your teen frequently talks about dieting, food restriction, “getting skinny,” or often makes weight-related comments, this could be a red flag. Obsession with calorie counts : Teens who are obsessed with tracking every calorie, comparing the caloric content of foods, or controlling their calorie-intake may be struggling with an eating disorder. Skipping meals : Frequently skipping meals or not eating regularly is a common sign that something is wrong. Eating in isolation : Eating alone or avoiding family meals may signal discomfort with eating or shame around food. Excessive exercising : Over-exercising or using exercise as a way to purge calories can also point to an eating disorder. Spending long amounts of time in the bathroom : This could be a sign of emerging or purging behaviors, such as vomiting after meals. Hoarding foods : Hiding food or being secretive about eating may indicate issues with food control and secrecy around eating habits. Irregular periods or thinning hair : In females, a disruption in menstrual cycles or thinning hair can be physical signs of the effects of an eating disorder on the body. How Can I Talk to My Teen About Eating Disorders in a Supportive Way? Approaching a conversation about eating disorders with your child requires sensitivity and care. It's important to emphasize empathy and understanding, conveying that your primary concern is your teen's health and well-being. Initiating this conversation compassionately can create an environment of trust and openness to explore the problem. Selecting a calm, comfortable, and private setting is vital so your teen feels safe discussing a sensitive topic that may cause them to feel anxiety or shame. Effective communication hinges on using open-ended questions and active listening. Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. By actively listening, you validate their experience, making them feel heard and understood. Before diving into the conversation, educating yourself about eating disorders can provide a solid foundation for discussing the issue knowledgeably. Some quick preparation with research allows you to dispel myths and provide accurate information when you talk to your teen. Why It's Crucial to Seek Medical Help When you notice warning signs, it’s important not to wait to get help. Eating disorders can be life-threatening, both physically and emotionally. They take a serious toll on a teen’s health, affecting their metabolism, hormonal function, and overall well-being. Beyond the physical impact, eating disorders can often involve deeply ingrained psychological and emotional challenges, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and trauma. After an initial conversation, the first step is to schedule an appointment with a medical provider. Your teen’s primary care doctor or a pediatrician can help evaluate their physical health and provide guidance for next steps. Be prepared to discuss the specific behaviors or signs you’ve observed, as this will help your provider better understand the situation. The doctor may conduct a physical examination, lab tests, and discuss your teen's emotional and psychological state. Building a Support Team Once you’ve taken the first step to ensure your teen’s immediate medical needs are addressed, it’s time to build a multidisciplinary treatment team . This may include: Therapists : A licensed, specially trained therapist who specializes in eating disorders or adolescent mental health can help your teen address the emotional and psychological root causes of their disorder. Medical doctors : Your teen’s doctor can monitor their physical health during the recovery process, ensuring they are safe while navigating the challenges of nourishing their body. Nutritionists or dietitians : A professional who specializes in eating disorders can create a nutrition plan tailored to your teen’s specific needs and help them rebuild a healthy relationship with food. Psychiatrists : In some cases, medication may be prescribed to address underlying mental health issues contributing to their behavior. Act Quickly and Seek Professional Guidance It’s crucial to act as soon as you recognize signs of an eating disorder in your teen. The longer eating disorders go untreated, the harder they can be to overcome. Recovery from an eating disorder is a complex journey, involving both physical and mental obstacles to tackle. It can be incredibly difficult for both the teen and the family to manage this process at home without professional support. A well coordinated team of medical providers, therapists, and eating disorder specialists is essential in guiding your teen through their recovery. This team can help monitor your teen’s progress, provide emotional support, and ensure that your teen is getting the care they need for both short and long-term recovery. Supporting Your Teen on Their Recovery Journey Eating disorders are serious, but with the right care and support, recovery is possible. If you suspect that your teen may have an eating disorder, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Seek medical advice first, and build a support team of professionals who can work together to provide comprehensive care. Eating disorders are complex, and it’s not something you or your teen should have to face alone. Taking swift action and offering compassionate support will help your teen regain control of their health and their life so that they can thrive through their adolescence and beyond. At Thrive, we offer specialized treatment for anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). Our adolescent intensive outpatient and partial hospitalization programs have not only changed lives, but saved them. If you believe your teen is struggling, don't hesitate to reach out for help, we are ready to conduct a complimentary intake assessment today. To learn more about eating disorders, download our free guide "Recovery is Real" filled with practical insights and strategies to help a loved one navigate the journey toward recovery.
    By Brianna Villalpando March 12, 2025
    It can be difficult to know when it's time to reach out for help. We often try to manage stress, anxiety, sadness, or relationship issues on our own, thinking it’s just a phase or something we can work through to “get over.” But sometimes, these feelings or behaviors persist and can start affecting our overall mental and emotional well-being. The truth is, seeking therapy shouldn't be a last resort. Therapy is a valuable tool for anyone looking to better understand themselves, improve their emotional health, and work through life’s challenges. If you’ve been wondering whether it’s time to seek therapy, there are a few key factors to consider when performing a self-evaluation. Here are five signs that it might be time to reach out for additional support: 1. Is My Mood Affecting My Life or Relationships? One of the most telling signs that you may need support is noticing that your mood is negatively impacting your daily life or interpersonal relationships. Have you noticed an increase in conflict with friends, family, or colleagues? Are you feeling stuck in patterns of negativity that seem hard to shake? If your mood is affecting how you function at work, school, or in your personal life, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Pay attention to your behaviors; are you withdrawing from activities you usually enjoy? Are you reacting more intensely to situations than usual? If your emotional state is beginning to impact your relationships, interactions, or your ability to move through everyday life, a therapist can help you explore underlying causes and develop tools to improve your social wellness. 2. Am I Isolating Myself to Avoid Conflict? There’s a big difference between being introverted and isolating yourself as a way to avoid conflict. If you find yourself consistently pulling away from social situations, not because you need time to recharge, but because you’re avoiding uncomfortable conversations or emotional confrontations, this could be a sign of a deeper issue. It’s natural to want to avoid tension or discomfort, but consistent isolation can worsen feelings of loneliness and make it even harder to work through conflicts. Therapy can help you learn healthy coping mechanisms, problem-solving and communication skills, so you can feel more comfortable facing conflict in a productive way rather than shutting down or avoiding it at the cost of self-isolation. 3. Are My Emotions Out of Control? Do you ever feel like your emotions are so overwhelming that you can't regain control? If you're finding it difficult to calm yourself down, quiet your thoughts, or manage your feelings, this might be a sign that therapy could be helpful. Emotions like anger, disgust, fear, anxiety, or sadness are natural, but if they start taking over your thoughts and actions, it can be exhausting and difficult to complete daily tasks. A therapist can help you understand why your emotions are so intense and teach you strategies to regulate them and regain a sense of balance. 4. Have I Experienced Trauma That’s Affecting My Daily Life? Trauma comes in many forms, it could be from a single incident or from ongoing experiences that have affected your sense of safety, connection, or well-being. Sometimes, trauma is tied to experiences in childhood, but it can also be linked to recent events, like accidents, loss, or abuse. If you've experienced trauma and are struggling to perform basic daily tasks or meet your needs, therapy can be incredibly beneficial. Unresolved trauma can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, or being stuck in past experiences. A trauma-informed therapist can help you process these experiences, understand their impact on your life, and work toward healing and recovery. 5. Am I Hurting Myself or Others? If your mood or behaviors are causing you to hurt yourself or others, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. Whether it’s through emotional or physical self-harm , or unintentionally inflicting harm on the people around you, this is a serious sign to find support from mental health professionals. A therapist can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space to talk about what you’re going through and help you work toward healthier ways of coping. If you’re in immediate danger or experiencing thoughts of self harm, it’s essential to reach out for help as soon as possible. There’s no shame in seeking support when you're struggling with harmful thoughts or actions. Why is Professional Mental Health Support Necessary? Although there may be barriers to seeking therapy, reaching out for professional mental health support is worth it to address the emotional and psychological issues that you shouldn’t have to deal with alone. Therapists have the knowledge and tools needed to guide you through your struggles, offering insights and solutions that aren’t available outside of the therapeutic setting. Their expertise promises not only a deeper understanding of your challenges, but the application of practical methods and skills to resolve them in your everyday life. Additionally, trained mental health professionals offer personalized strategies and coping mechanisms tailored to your unique situation and needs. These strategies are informed by evidence-based practices and a therapist’s experience working with and healing emotional and mental struggles. Personalized therapy helps clients receive the most relevant and effective guidance for their personal challenges. Embracing the Journey Toward Mental Wellness Recognizing that you might need support is the first step toward feeling better and getting the most out of life. Therapy isn’t just for when things are at their worst; it’s a proactive way to improve your emotional health, work through challenges, and build skills for resilience. If you relate to any of these situations, it might be time to reach out and explore therapy as an option. It’s okay to need help, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you’re unsure whether therapy is right for you, consider talking to a mental health professional to discuss your concerns and explore specialized support options available to you. You deserve to feel your best, and therapy can be a stepping stone to help you reach your goals. Are you in need of support? At Thrive Wellness, we offer personalized therapy and treatment to support you in whatever you're going through, don't be afraid to reach out for help . We also offer a FREE comprehensive guide to wellness in our “How to Thrive” guide . This guide offers practical, easy-to-follow habits that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Start your journey towards a balanced and fulfilling life today with these simple yet transformative steps.
    By Sage Tippie February 14, 2025
    This Eating Disorders Awareness Month, we’re focusing on fighting the misinformation and stereotypes surrounding eating disorders that so often create barriers to diagnosis and treatment. Myths about eating disorders can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and keep people from receiving effective and timely treatment when they need it. It’s no secret that the field of eating disorders is riddled with misinformation, leading to confusion, stigma, and shame for those struggling. In this blog post, we'll explore the common myths about eating disorders and fight them with concrete facts in the hopes of building a more informed and educated community when it comes to these serious mental health conditions. Eating Disorder Myths Versus Facts Myth: Only those who are medically underweight have an eating disorder. Fact: Someone can have an eating disorder at any weight. In fact, less than 6% of those diagnosed with an eating disorder are medically underweight. There is even a specific diagnosis for those who are not underweight showing the symptoms of anorexia called atypical anorexia. People of all sizes are at risk for serious complications from an eating disorder, not just those that are underweight. Myth: Only women have eating disorders Fact: Although often associated with teen girls, eating disorders can affect those of any gender and age. While stereotypes and stigma surrounding eating disorders may tell us that men are not commonly affected by them, research has found that nearly 25% of those who present for eating disorder treatment are male. Keeping an open mind around who can be affected by eating disorders allows for more accurate and timely diagnosis and treatment for those who need it. Myth: Eating disorders are just about food. Facts: While eating disorders always involve an unhealthy relationship with food or body image, they also are rooted in biological, psychological and sociocultural aspects. Eating disorders cannot be treated just by changing eating behaviors, but by addressing the mental aspect of the illness as well. This is why integrated treatment involving a team of social workers, primary care specialists, therapists, and in some cases occupational therapists or psychiatrists is so crucial: a holistic approach is needed to treat all aspects of an eating disorder. Myth: Eating disorders aren’t that serious. Fact: Eating disorders are extremely serious and life-threatening mental disorders that require dedicated treatment. In fact, anorexia nervosa has the second highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder. By taking eating disorders and their diagnosis and treatment seriously, we can save lives. Myth: Eating disorders are a choice. Fact: Just like any other illness, eating disorders are not a choice or a phase, nor is recovery from an eating disorder just a simple decision to start eating more or less. Recovery is not dependent on willpower, but on ongoing professional treatment and long-term support. The recovery process can be lengthy and challenging, requiring patience and a supportive environment and team on your side. It is a gradual, step-by-step journey, rather than an instantaneous decision made on one person’s part. Myth: Eating disorders always involve negative body image. Fact: Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID) does not have to do with body image. Those with ARFID may avoid many foods because of texture, taste, color, or smell, or feared outcomes of eating like choking or vomiting. Like any other eating disorder, ARFID is serious and requires specialized treatment like exposure-response prevention therapy. Myth: Eating disorders only affect White people. Fact: Although Black, Latina/o/x/e, Indigenous/Native, and Asian people are historically underrepresented in studies of eating disorders, large-scale studies have found that rates of eating disorders are the same or higher in all racial and ethnic groups as compared to white individuals (NEDA). Removing racial stereotypes around eating disorders can help to remove barriers that BIPOC individuals commonly face when seeking treatment. Dispelling the Myths: A Path Towards Understanding By addressing and dispelling these myths, we can create a safe space that promotes understanding and empathy. Eating disorders are not choices or phases, but debilitating mental health issues that can affect anyone. Recognizing the seriousness of these disorders is so important in reducing stigma and ensuring that those who are struggling receive the care and support they require. This month and every month, we encourage you to fight misinformation and stick up for those experiencing eating disorders, because knowledge and education can be one of the greatest assets to recovery for those who need it. If you or someone you know is in need of eating disorder support, don’t be afraid to reach out , our team of healthcare professionals are here for you. To learn more about eating disorders and the journey to recovery, download our free eating disorders guide .
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