How To Continue Parenting Following the Loss of a Child
Thrive • October 15, 2021
By Thrive Reno’s Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders Program Clinical Lead and Therapist Amanda Boe, LMFT
After losing a child, it can be difficult to comprehend how to continue parenting your other child or children through your grief. You may face a rollercoaster of confusing emotions as you accept that your life will never be the same. As you process your grief, you may face some of the common parenting challenges listed below. So, in this blog you’ll find therapeutic advice for coping with each of these challenges. Through it all, you may never feel like life gets easier, but in time you can feel like you’re getting stronger.
Parenting Challenge Number One: Choosing How To Show Emotions in Front of Your Child or Children
When attempting to process your emotions following the loss of one of your children, you may find yourself grappling with whether you should show your grief, anger, and sadness to your living child or children or if you should mask your emotions to protect them from your pain.
How to Cope: Explain Your Emotions
Though parents may believe they are successfully hiding their emotions from their children, children are often very tuned into their parents’ moods. When parents mask their emotions, children may begin to believe that emotions are scary, unpredictable, and meant to be hidden.
For children to feel safe experiencing their own emotions, they need to witness their parents experience the full range of their emotions without losing control.
When your child sees you feeling sad, you might explain how you are processing your emotions at that moment. For example, when you’re struggling with sadness you could say to your child, “I feel sad. When I feel sad, I sleep a lot. I would really love a hug from you to help comfort me.” You can take this exercise further by asking your child to explain how they experience sadness.
By articulating your emotions, your children won’t have to guess how you’re feeling. They’ll also learn that experiencing emotions is not something to fear and instead emotions should be embraced and processed.
Parenting Challenge Number Two: Feeling Like You’re Failing as a Parent
With a new understanding of the fragility of life, you may find yourself driven by the desire to make every moment with your family special. The pressure to be a perfect parent may seem to become more intense and you may overextend yourself. At the same time, as you grieve, exhaustion and hostility can envelop you, and you may become irritated and angry at your family. As a result, you may find yourself trapped in a cycle of grief and guilt.
How to Cope: Remember That It’s Impossible To Be Perfect
Losing a child is traumatic. After experiencing a traumatic event, our brains instinctually engage in fight, flight, and freeze responses. Although these instinctual responses may make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, this is the brain’s way of protecting and nurturing you. Give yourself a break, be gentle to yourself, and practice the same patience and compassion with yourself as you would offer to others.
Parenting Challenge Number Three: Honoring Your Lost Child While Remaining Present for Your Family
How to Cope: Connect to Your Loss Without Allowing It To Consume You
The experience of grief is different for everyone. Honor your loss in a way that matches the waves of your grief.
When I experienced my first miscarriage, I was taken aback, scared, and lost. While I was processing my loss, my dear friend brought me flower bulbs and pumpkin bread.
I planted the flower bulbs and indulged in the sweet treat which allowed me to embrace a mindful moment with my grief. I later ended up experiencing two more pregnancy losses, which gave me the opportunity to offer myself the same gesture of planting flower bulbs and indulging in a meaningful treat.
In the springtime, my blooming flowers offer a representation of the beautiful resiliency in the face of grief. When I see my budding tulips, I feel strong, hopeful, and sad all at once, as well as grateful for all the work I put in to further my healing and growth.
RESOURCES FOR CHILDREN OF GRIEVING PARENTS
I’ve listed some of my favorite children’s books along with excerpts of their Amazon descriptions, that may help support your family through the grieving process:
- The Invisible String by Patrice Karst — “Offers a very simple approach to overcoming loneliness, separation, or loss with an imaginative twist that children easily understand and embrace, and delivers a particularly compelling message in today’s uncertain times.”
- The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup — Helps “children celebrate the memories left behind when a loved one dies.”
- The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld — Explains “how to comfort and heal the people in your life, by taking the time to carefully, lovingly, gently listen.”
- In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek — “Explores a full range of emotions, describing how they feel physically, inside, with language that is lyrical but also direct to empower readers to practice articulating and identifying their own emotions.”
A PLACE TO GROW
Thrive is dedicated to ensuring caregivers are cared for, supported, and nurtured, especially following the loss of a pregnancy, baby, or child. We offer grief counseling for individuals, couples and families. We also hold a complimentary Perinatal Loss and Grief Support Grou p for parents struggling with a perinatal loss. Give us a call to learn more about our therapeutic services.
About the Author
Amanda Boe, LMFT — PMAD Program Clinical Lead and Therapist
Amanda Boe earned her master’s degree in counseling from the University of Nevada, Reno. She has over nine years of experience working with children, individuals and families who have experienced trauma. Her experience also includes working with clients who struggle with perinatal mood disorders, anxiety, and depression. Amanda is passionate about healing relationships among families and unresolved trauma using evidence-based practices. She is certified in Child-Parent Psychotherapy (CPP). Amanda offers individual, couples, and family therapy.
The post How To Continue Parenting Following the Loss of a Child first appeared on Thrive Wellness.
Eating disorders, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) make up a triad of interrelated conditions that often coexist and influence each other in complex ways. While these mental health conditions are challenging on their own, when they co-occur, they can create significant distress and disruptions in daily life. Understanding the intricate relationship between these disorders is crucial for recognizing symptoms and seeking appropriate treatment. In this exploration into the connection between OCD, anxiety, and eating disorders, we aim to shed light on their intertwined nature and provide insights for those seeking knowledge and support. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Eating Disorders OCD eating disorders are a nuanced blend of obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors centered around food and body image. Those grappling with these disorders experience an overwhelming preoccupation with eating habits, driven by intrusive thoughts that heighten anxiety levels. This anxiety not only exacerbates compulsive eating behaviors but also fuels obsessive thinking. The overlap between anxiety disorders and eating disorders is common, with many displaying symptoms of both conditions concurrently. This overlap suggests a complex connection between these mental health issues, highlighting the need for comprehensive treatment approaches that address all aspects of these disorders together. OCD and Anorexia Nervosa OCD and anorexia nervosa often co-occur, creating a dual struggle for those affected. People with both conditions experience overlapping symptoms such as intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. This dual presentation can make diagnosis and treatment more challenging. A desire for control often drives both OCD and anorexia, leading to rigid routines, rituals, and restriction surrounding food and body image that can be difficult to break. Understanding the shared behaviors and motivations between these disorders can aid mental health professionals in developing more effective therapeutic strategies tailored to their clients’ specific needs. OCD and ARFID OCD and Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) share a common thread, deeply influencing anxiety levels and eating patterns. Individuals with OCD might develop rituals or compulsions around food intake motivated by distressing thoughts, mirroring the restrictive behaviors and fear characteristic of ARFID. Both disorders are driven by a strong need for control and intense fear, significantly affecting one's nutritional intake and overall well-being. The parallels between OCD and ARFID suggest that effective treatment involves addressing the underlying anxiety, fears, and aversions that contribute to both conditions. OCD And Bulimia The relationship between OCD and bulimia presents with unique challenges that offer insight into compulsive behaviors and intrusive thoughts. The co-occurrence of OCD and bulimia can look like compulsive binge-purge cycles rooted in an attempt to fight distressing thoughts about food and body image. Both disorders can act as coping mechanisms for underlying anxiety and distress, often manifesting as a means to gain control. The co-occurrence of OCD and bulimia complicates diagnosis and treatment, requiring a comprehensive therapeutic approach that addresses both sides of the disorder. OCD and OSFED OCD and other specified eating and feeding disorders (OSFED) often co-exist, each one potentially exacerbating the other. Both disorders frequently involve intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, such as ritualistic eating or compulsive exercising. Anxiety emerges as a common underlying factor, fuelling obsessive fears and the need for control over food and body image. Treatment approaches for these conditions often overlap, particularly with interventions such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that aim to address distorted thinking patterns. This overlap suggests that a holistic approach to treatment can be especially beneficial for those affected by both OCD and eating disorders. Shared Traits of OCD and Disordered Eating Ritualistic Behavior Ritualistic behaviors are commonly observed in those coping with OCD, anxiety, and eating disorders. These behaviors serve a purpose: to manage distress and create an illusion of control. Though these repetitive actions might reduce anxiety temporarily, they can become time-consuming, disruptive, and negatively impact your quality of life. In OCD, people perform rituals to alleviate obsessive thoughts, whereas, in eating disorders, these rituals revolve primarily around food and body image. Anxiety Anxiety is a prominent mental health condition characterized by feelings of worry, fear, or unease that can significantly affect daily life. It often coexists with OCD and eating disorders, creating a complex interplay of symptoms. Anxiety exacerbates the compulsions and obsessions seen in OCD, leading to heightened stress and increased distress. Perfectionism Perfectionism connects OCD, anxiety, and eating disorders, driving people to pursue unrealistic standards. This pursuit of perfection often leads to increased anxiety, as the fear of failing to meet expectations results in constant worry and stress. In OCD, perfectionism manifests through repetitive behaviors aimed at achieving flawlessness and control. Understanding the role of perfectionism in these disorders can be pivotal in formulating effective therapeutic interventions tailored to combat these perfectionistic tendencies. Differences Between Disordered Eating and OCD Disordered eating involves irregular eating behaviors often linked to concerns about weight or body shape, while OCD is characterized by intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviors or mental acts. Although both conditions may involve anxiety and compulsive behaviors, their motivations and manifestations differ significantly. Disordered eating focuses primarily on food-related issues, whereas OCD encompasses a wide array of obsessions frequently unrelated to food. Understanding these differences helps in tailoring more targeted treatment options for people struggling with either or both conditions. Finding Help for Eating Disorders and OCD Seeking professional help is crucial for those dealing with anorexia and OCD, given the complex interplay of these disorders. Consulting therapists or counselors specializing in eating disorders can provide valuable insights and guidance. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment option for modifying maladaptive thought patterns and behaviors. Additionally, joining support groups or online communities provides a sense of connection and shared coping strategies. Ensuring a comprehensive treatment plan that includes medical, nutritional, and psychological components is vital for addressing all aspects of the disorders. Moreover, involving family members or loved ones in the recovery process provides additional support and understanding and prevents accommodating behaviors in the home. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is widely considered the gold standard treatment for OCD and can be a critical component in addressing co-morbid presentations of OCD and eating disorders. ERP is a form of cognitive-behavioral therapy that involves the systematic and gradual exposure to feared stimuli while preventing the accompanying compulsive response. In the context of OCD/ED's, ERP helps reduce distress associated with intrusive thoughts related to food, body image, and rituals around eating. Research has shown that ERP can significantly improve nutritional intake by increasing an individual's flexibility with food choices, reducing avoidance behaviors, and supporting eating in a variety of settings and contexts. Do You Have a Loved One Battling an Eating Disorder or OCD? Understanding the intricate link between eating disorders, anxiety, and OCD can help improve the support offered to a loved one struggling with these challenges. Recognizing common characteristics and behaviors associated with these disorders further aids in building empathy and effective communication. Education on the psychological and physical aspects of eating disorders is essential for offering informed assistance and encouragement. Assisting your loved one in gaining professional help and maintaining patience are crucial steps in supporting a loved one on their journey to recovery. To learn more about eating disorders, download our free eating disorder guide “Recovery is Real” . Embracing Understanding and Support The intersection of anxiety, OCD, and eating disorders illustrates the complex nature of mental health challenges. By learning more about these interconnected conditions, those struggling and their loved ones can gain greater understanding and uncover effective pathways toward healing. Providing holistic support centered on empathy, education, and appropriate intervention not only improves treatment outcomes but also nurtures strength and resilience in the face of challenges. Through dedicated effort, recovery can be possible for anyone and can allow them to live a full life.
Teen eating disorders are serious. As a parent or caregiver, one of the most difficult situations you can face is noticing that your teen may be struggling with a basic human need like eating. Adolescence is already a rough period for many teens filled with fluctuating emotions, changing bodies, and social pressures. However, sometimes coping with these challenges can manifest in unhealthy ways, like developing complicated relationships with food, body image, control, or exercise. Many teens face body image issues as their bodies mature, excessive pressure to meet unrealistic expectations fueled by social media and peers, and emotional instability and anxiety during their adolescent years, all of which can combine to create the perfect storm for an eating disorder. These challenges can often make your teen more vulnerable to unhealthy coping mechanisms , such as restricting food intake, excessive exercise, or engaging in disordered eating behaviors . If you’ve started noticing signs that something may not be right, it’s essential to take action to help your teen get the support they need. Recognizing the Signs of an Eating Disorder Eating disorders can vary in appearance, but there are some common signs and symptoms to watch for. If you notice any of the following behaviors or changes in your teen, it may indicate a problem that requires further attention: Preoccupation with body image : Teens with eating disorders often show increased focus on their weight or appearance, frequently expressing dissatisfaction with their body. Excessive discussions about dieting : If your teen frequently talks about dieting, food restriction, “getting skinny,” or often makes weight-related comments, this could be a red flag. Obsession with calorie counts : Teens who are obsessed with tracking every calorie, comparing the caloric content of foods, or controlling their calorie-intake may be struggling with an eating disorder. Skipping meals : Frequently skipping meals or not eating regularly is a common sign that something is wrong. Eating in isolation : Eating alone or avoiding family meals may signal discomfort with eating or shame around food. Excessive exercising : Over-exercising or using exercise as a way to purge calories can also point to an eating disorder. Spending long amounts of time in the bathroom : This could be a sign of emerging or purging behaviors, such as vomiting after meals. Hoarding foods : Hiding food or being secretive about eating may indicate issues with food control and secrecy around eating habits. Irregular periods or thinning hair : In females, a disruption in menstrual cycles or thinning hair can be physical signs of the effects of an eating disorder on the body. How Can I Talk to My Teen About Eating Disorders in a Supportive Way? Approaching a conversation about eating disorders with your child requires sensitivity and care. It's important to emphasize empathy and understanding, conveying that your primary concern is your teen's health and well-being. Initiating this conversation compassionately can create an environment of trust and openness to explore the problem. Selecting a calm, comfortable, and private setting is vital so your teen feels safe discussing a sensitive topic that may cause them to feel anxiety or shame. Effective communication hinges on using open-ended questions and active listening. Encourage your teen to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment. By actively listening, you validate their experience, making them feel heard and understood. Before diving into the conversation, educating yourself about eating disorders can provide a solid foundation for discussing the issue knowledgeably. Some quick preparation with research allows you to dispel myths and provide accurate information when you talk to your teen. Why It's Crucial to Seek Medical Help When you notice warning signs, it’s important not to wait to get help. Eating disorders can be life-threatening, both physically and emotionally. They take a serious toll on a teen’s health, affecting their metabolism, hormonal function, and overall well-being. Beyond the physical impact, eating disorders can often involve deeply ingrained psychological and emotional challenges, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and trauma. After an initial conversation, the first step is to schedule an appointment with a medical provider. Your teen’s primary care doctor or a pediatrician can help evaluate their physical health and provide guidance for next steps. Be prepared to discuss the specific behaviors or signs you’ve observed, as this will help your provider better understand the situation. The doctor may conduct a physical examination, lab tests, and discuss your teen's emotional and psychological state. Building a Support Team Once you’ve taken the first step to ensure your teen’s immediate medical needs are addressed, it’s time to build a multidisciplinary treatment team . This may include: Therapists : A licensed, specially trained therapist who specializes in eating disorders or adolescent mental health can help your teen address the emotional and psychological root causes of their disorder. Medical doctors : Your teen’s doctor can monitor their physical health during the recovery process, ensuring they are safe while navigating the challenges of nourishing their body. Nutritionists or dietitians : A professional who specializes in eating disorders can create a nutrition plan tailored to your teen’s specific needs and help them rebuild a healthy relationship with food. Psychiatrists : In some cases, medication may be prescribed to address underlying mental health issues contributing to their behavior. Act Quickly and Seek Professional Guidance It’s crucial to act as soon as you recognize signs of an eating disorder in your teen. The longer eating disorders go untreated, the harder they can be to overcome. Recovery from an eating disorder is a complex journey, involving both physical and mental obstacles to tackle. It can be incredibly difficult for both the teen and the family to manage this process at home without professional support. A well coordinated team of medical providers, therapists, and eating disorder specialists is essential in guiding your teen through their recovery. This team can help monitor your teen’s progress, provide emotional support, and ensure that your teen is getting the care they need for both short and long-term recovery. Supporting Your Teen on Their Recovery Journey Eating disorders are serious, but with the right care and support, recovery is possible. If you suspect that your teen may have an eating disorder, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Seek medical advice first, and build a support team of professionals who can work together to provide comprehensive care. Eating disorders are complex, and it’s not something you or your teen should have to face alone. Taking swift action and offering compassionate support will help your teen regain control of their health and their life so that they can thrive through their adolescence and beyond. At Thrive, we offer specialized treatment for anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder, and avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID). Our adolescent intensive outpatient and partial hospitalization programs have not only changed lives, but saved them. If you believe your teen is struggling, don't hesitate to reach out for help, we are ready to conduct a complimentary intake assessment today. To learn more about eating disorders, download our free guide "Recovery is Real" filled with practical insights and strategies to help a loved one navigate the journey toward recovery.
It can be difficult to know when it's time to reach out for help. We often try to manage stress, anxiety, sadness, or relationship issues on our own, thinking it’s just a phase or something we can work through to “get over.” But sometimes, these feelings or behaviors persist and can start affecting our overall mental and emotional well-being. The truth is, seeking therapy shouldn't be a last resort. Therapy is a valuable tool for anyone looking to better understand themselves, improve their emotional health, and work through life’s challenges. If you’ve been wondering whether it’s time to seek therapy, there are a few key factors to consider when performing a self-evaluation. Here are five signs that it might be time to reach out for additional support: 1. Is My Mood Affecting My Life or Relationships? One of the most telling signs that you may need support is noticing that your mood is negatively impacting your daily life or interpersonal relationships. Have you noticed an increase in conflict with friends, family, or colleagues? Are you feeling stuck in patterns of negativity that seem hard to shake? If your mood is affecting how you function at work, school, or in your personal life, it may be time to talk to a therapist. Pay attention to your behaviors; are you withdrawing from activities you usually enjoy? Are you reacting more intensely to situations than usual? If your emotional state is beginning to impact your relationships, interactions, or your ability to move through everyday life, a therapist can help you explore underlying causes and develop tools to improve your social wellness. 2. Am I Isolating Myself to Avoid Conflict? There’s a big difference between being introverted and isolating yourself as a way to avoid conflict. If you find yourself consistently pulling away from social situations, not because you need time to recharge, but because you’re avoiding uncomfortable conversations or emotional confrontations, this could be a sign of a deeper issue. It’s natural to want to avoid tension or discomfort, but consistent isolation can worsen feelings of loneliness and make it even harder to work through conflicts. Therapy can help you learn healthy coping mechanisms, problem-solving and communication skills, so you can feel more comfortable facing conflict in a productive way rather than shutting down or avoiding it at the cost of self-isolation. 3. Are My Emotions Out of Control? Do you ever feel like your emotions are so overwhelming that you can't regain control? If you're finding it difficult to calm yourself down, quiet your thoughts, or manage your feelings, this might be a sign that therapy could be helpful. Emotions like anger, disgust, fear, anxiety, or sadness are natural, but if they start taking over your thoughts and actions, it can be exhausting and difficult to complete daily tasks. A therapist can help you understand why your emotions are so intense and teach you strategies to regulate them and regain a sense of balance. 4. Have I Experienced Trauma That’s Affecting My Daily Life? Trauma comes in many forms, it could be from a single incident or from ongoing experiences that have affected your sense of safety, connection, or well-being. Sometimes, trauma is tied to experiences in childhood, but it can also be linked to recent events, like accidents, loss, or abuse. If you've experienced trauma and are struggling to perform basic daily tasks or meet your needs, therapy can be incredibly beneficial. Unresolved trauma can lead to feelings of anxiety, depression, or being stuck in past experiences. A trauma-informed therapist can help you process these experiences, understand their impact on your life, and work toward healing and recovery. 5. Am I Hurting Myself or Others? If your mood or behaviors are causing you to hurt yourself or others, it’s crucial to seek help immediately. Whether it’s through emotional or physical self-harm , or unintentionally inflicting harm on the people around you, this is a serious sign to find support from mental health professionals. A therapist can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space to talk about what you’re going through and help you work toward healthier ways of coping. If you’re in immediate danger or experiencing thoughts of self harm, it’s essential to reach out for help as soon as possible. There’s no shame in seeking support when you're struggling with harmful thoughts or actions. Why is Professional Mental Health Support Necessary? Although there may be barriers to seeking therapy, reaching out for professional mental health support is worth it to address the emotional and psychological issues that you shouldn’t have to deal with alone. Therapists have the knowledge and tools needed to guide you through your struggles, offering insights and solutions that aren’t available outside of the therapeutic setting. Their expertise promises not only a deeper understanding of your challenges, but the application of practical methods and skills to resolve them in your everyday life. Additionally, trained mental health professionals offer personalized strategies and coping mechanisms tailored to your unique situation and needs. These strategies are informed by evidence-based practices and a therapist’s experience working with and healing emotional and mental struggles. Personalized therapy helps clients receive the most relevant and effective guidance for their personal challenges. Embracing the Journey Toward Mental Wellness Recognizing that you might need support is the first step toward feeling better and getting the most out of life. Therapy isn’t just for when things are at their worst; it’s a proactive way to improve your emotional health, work through challenges, and build skills for resilience. If you relate to any of these situations, it might be time to reach out and explore therapy as an option. It’s okay to need help, and you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you’re unsure whether therapy is right for you, consider talking to a mental health professional to discuss your concerns and explore specialized support options available to you. You deserve to feel your best, and therapy can be a stepping stone to help you reach your goals. Are you in need of support? At Thrive Wellness, we offer personalized therapy and treatment to support you in whatever you're going through, don't be afraid to reach out for help . We also offer a FREE comprehensive guide to wellness in our “How to Thrive” guide . This guide offers practical, easy-to-follow habits that promote physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Start your journey towards a balanced and fulfilling life today with these simple yet transformative steps.
