What was your experience with perinatal loss?
“I had infertility issues in my mid-20s. After three years of trying to become pregnant (including one year of doing my own fertility injections), it happened! I had a healthy, beautiful little boy. Our family wasn’t quite complete yet, so two years after the birth of my son, I became pregnant on my own – no fertility shots! I was so excited!
My pregnancy was considered high-risk, so I was overjoyed to have more ultrasounds than usual. My first ultrasound was scheduled at the 6-week mark. My husband at the time was working, so I packed up my young son and we went to my appointment. My little boy was so excited to be there to see what he called “my little sister” on the screen. The ultrasound tech came in. She was excited for us also. She put the ultrasound on my abdomen, moving it around. My son was talking nonstop with excitement. The tech was quiet, attempting different positions to find the heartbeat. I remember her saying, “I’m so sorry, I can’t find a heartbeat”. I remember thinking no biggie, she will find it soon. I said, “What do you mean?” She repeated the same words again, but added, “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”
She brought another staff member into the room and tried multiple times to find a heartbeat but again… nothing. I started crying. My son didn’t understand what was happening. The two staff members were trying to provide words of comfort while I got up, trying to gather my purse, my water and my son. I dropped my water bottle in my purse, spilling water everywhere. I don’t remember what I said to my son right after that. I do remember that after the staff left the room, I sat crying and holding my boy. Upon check out, I was given a list of instructions on what to do in the next few days, which included: when I passed my baby in the toilet, to pick it up, put it in a ziplock bag, and bring it back to them, which is what I did.”
What advice would you give to someone going through a similar situation?
“Find a good support system. Understand that you did nothing wrong. Miscarriages do happen and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that you can’t carry a baby. It just means that this time, this pregnancy did not work, that it wasn’t in God’s plan for you to carry this baby this time to full term.”
What helped you heal from this experience?
“I relied heavily on my faith in God and knowing that he does have a plan. Thankful that God gave me a beautiful little boy and how grateful I was for him. My husband and my son were so supportive, loving, and kind throughout it all. I was blessed to become pregnant once again on my own, two years later, and had a beautiful healthy baby girl.”
October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Why do you believe it’s important that we bring awareness to this topic?
“I think it’s important for us to talk about our experiences and what happened to us. I know for me it made me feel like I was not alone.”
*This article reflects the personal views and experiences of a perinatal loss survivor